Fuck or Die?

There are a lot of things that will turn me, instantly, off of a story, and for years Mpreg has been one of them.  I hate it.  I hate the way it makes women unnecessary.  I hate the plot gymnastics necessary to accomplish it.  I hate the requisite hormonal crying/eating ice cream and pickles or whatever other one-dimensional pregnancy cliche the author will feel it necessary to insert.  I hate it in a house, I hate it with a mouse, I hate it here or there, I hate it everywhere.

Except... I found a time I did not hate it recently.  In the Omegaverse.

I'm told by Fanlore that I can blame Supernatural for all of the A/B/O strangeness that has flooded some sections of AO3, but in some ways, I think that the real blame can be placed with these guys.

(If you think Pon Farr isn't the origin of the whole 'sex pollen' trope as well, I have bad news for you.) 

It's not impossible for me to see the appeal of some aspects of the concept of a sex emergency.  It just often necessitates a certain level of dubious consent, which is obviously problematic; and A/B/O dynamics in particular have a lot of potentially misogynistic elements as well.  (Let's not even get into anatomical issues inherent in most Omegaverse stories, that's a whole other kettle of fish.)  These are all things that can be negotiated by a skillful writer who is willing to take the time to subvert the trope, of course, but that requires a level of time and effort that not everyone will be willing to spend on their porn.

That's the catch, though-- it is, almost exclusively, porn, and if you, like me, are sometimes looking for something a bit NC-17, chances are, you've run into a fic or two tagged things like 'healing cock' and 'Fuck or Die' that, once clicked on, was revealed as some of that weird knotting dick porn everyone's been warning you about.

If, once you clicked that link, you found yourself oddly fascinated, I have a suggestion for you.

You were kindness when I was a stranger was my gateway drug, and is (obviously) not safe for work.  Without previous A/B/O experience, I initially found it to be a little confusing, but I think anyone familiar with the precepts will have very little difficulty enjoying what was some of the best erotica I've found on AO3.  In fact, I'd suggest exploring the rest of suzukiblu's fic, with the caveat that many are WIPs, for those who enjoy this sort of thing.

The Girl Who Loved Fanfiction

So, I wanted to talk to you about the power of fantasy.

I want to preface this by saying that I'm not, in general, a fan of Stephen King.  I'm not a big fan of horror, and often I feel like King's stuff goes off the rails.  There's some good stuff there, but I don't think he gives it enough time to marinate, as it were.  I'm often very into some aspects of his writing, and feel frustrated he doesn't develop some of his themes more fully.

Enter The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon.  This was not my favorite novel ever, or even my favorite Stephen King novel, but it did address a subject I think we can all relate to: the very real power of fantasy to carry us through the shitty parts of life.

For those of you who haven't read it, I'll sum it up: A little girl is lost in the woods, and uses the thought of her favorite baseball player as a ballast.  (There are also some half-baked musings about the nature of god, but we're going to skip that for now.)

I think about this book whenever someone asks me what value things like fanfic have, because in my life, fantasy has carried me through a LOT of things.

We need heros.

There are a lot of things in our lives that we can't solve by 'taking up arms against a sea of troubles'.  Most things must simply be endured.  Ideally, we'd all have someone to help us, but there are a lot of fights we have to fight alone.  And when that happens, maybe we look to Tom Gordon, or Steve Rogers, or whoever your favorite hero happens to be.  Maybe they're an example to follow, or maybe they're just a hand you can imagine holding when there's no one else.  I think having that has saved me, more times than I can count.

So, on that note, I would like to suggest The Quiet Man, a Sherlock story about John's reaction to Sherlock's death that is very much about the power of fantasy, and how it can carry us through the hardest times in our lives.  It's a fairly long story, but it's also complete, and very beautiful.

Miss Representation

So, it's femslash February, which is a problem if you're in the MCU fandom.  Because when it comes to women... well, we really don't have any.  We only need one woman per situation, right?  We have Maria Hill for SHIELD stuff, Natasha for Avengers stuff, and Pepper for Iron Man stuff.  (I was actually surprised we even got Pepper, honestly.)

I will argue that the Thor franchise has actually been the most female-positive of all the recent Marvel movies. Aside from the fact that it is the only one to pass a Bechdel test, (Well, okay, Iron Man 3 passes. Yay!) it prominently features women as something other than sex objects.  If anyone is being objectified in Thor, it's Chis Hemsworth.

I'm just gonna leave this here.  For reasons.

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Meanwhile, our women are dressed like normal people-- sweaters, jeans, and nary a low-cut top in sight.  I haven't been so pleasantly surprised since the last Superman movie.

(And before you say anything, yes, that movie was a train wreck, but we got a female villain in normal armor, not weird boob armor, and Lois Lane walking around in overalls instead of some one's Naughty Office Girl cosplay outfit.)

I think this might be another reason why we like Darcy so much, because she has her own agency independent of being a romantic interest.  (Well, and she's Kat Dennings.)

Ahem.  But today, we're not here to talk about Darcy, or Chris Hemsworth with his shirt off.  Today, I want to talk about the only woman we've really been able to get to know in the sausage-fest that the MCU has been.

Take a good look, because this is all the woman you're likely to get for a while (since they've pushed back the Captain Marvel movie... AGAIN).  I say this as someone who has a lot of love for Widow:

This is a problem.  Sure, she's tough, she's complex, but the Black Widow is a very sexualized character.  She's in charge of her sexuality and uses it as an asset against men, but being a sexy woman is a huge part of her character. Even her name defines her this way, the predator that will mate with a male and then devour him.

She is constantly portrayed as being sexually available.  She uses it to her advantage to manipulate men, certainly, but I think this just reinforces the idea of woman as some sort of 'other', relevant only in their association with men.  I don't think there's a better example of how the MCU thinks about women than a post that went around tumblr a while ago where the representatives of Marvel's Canada twitter asked their fans who they were more excited to see:  Iron Man, Thor, or Captain America.  Why these three?  Well, they're the ones with their own movie franchises, so they must be the most popular, right? (Hulk had his own movies, but I guess no one cares about Hulk.)

In an embarrassing plot twist, everyone voted for Black Widow.  But do we love Natasha for Natasha, or do we love her because she is almost literally our only option?  Are we just hungry for more female lead projects?

No, I think we actually like Natasha.  I have never read a fanfiction that has Natasha as the villain.  Sometimes she's cold, or scary, but she's never portrayed as some kind of soulless automaton.  She's a best friend and a protector.  She loves deeply.

So, in honor of Natasha and femslash, I suggest I've Suffered Shipwrecks. It features some femslash, although not Natasha/Pepper (which I am always a fan of because I think that Tony needs as many relationships with women that don't involve sex as possible).  It's a coffee shop AU, and has some pairings that I haven't seen that often (such as Steve/Thor).

I'm still searching for a longer fic with Natasha/Pepper, and I'll certainly post it when I find it, but I have also enjoyed Not just a river in Egypt.  This is more of a Steve/Tony centered piece, because longer Natasha/Pepper fics are not thick on the ground, but it's a nice read and leaves me, at least, feeling satisfied.

Females are Friends, Not Obstacles

Sorry I've been so slack on this, I moved to Germany recently, and got really busy!

So, the last time we talked we were looking at Star Trek.  Since the most recent movies feature much more attractive actors (there may be debate about this, but I will take Chris Pine over Shatner any day), that part of the fandom has been the most active these days.

What does that mean?  Well, now we have to deal with the whole... Uhura thing. *Ugh why*

I'm sure I'm not the only person who thought there was more sexual chemistry in the scene where Spock tries to choke Kirk, than when he's kissing Uhura.  It's like some shitty rom com, and the hero now has to get rid of their disposable love interest before they can move forward with the real love story.

It's a common issue in fan works, as writers often have to 'write out' an established relationship.  Sometimes this leads to vilifying the other character, which is one of my least favorite things.  (My least favorite thing, as always, is MPreg.)  I would even go so far as to say that it is a deal breaker for me as a reader.

I've been happy to find that we, en mass, love Uhura too much to do that to her.

Below are two fics that I enjoyed that give us an Uhura that we can all love.  The first deftly deals with her relationship with Spock, the second just refuses to go there at all (they never date).

Atlas is long, and it gets a little weird at the end, but it is 100% worth your time.  The slow burn romance that we all love in a Star Trek fic, and Spock is very in character throughout the piece.  I've read it all the way through more than once.

THE SUM OF BOTH OF US is the kidfic that I think I always wanted about Kirk and Spock.  (The brief glimpse we get of them as children in the newer movies was really appealing to me.  They're such fierce little things, I always wanted them to be together sooner.)  Along with a great Uhura we get a fantastic T'Pring (who I've always really dug as a character), a really good Amanda, and an adorable sehlat.  This is also a love letter to Vulcan in the way that Observations was a love letter to New York, which I need so much.

Janice Rand and Our Fear of the Feminine

As much as I love Star Trek, it was made in the sixties, which means... Well, there are problems.  And for me, a lot of these issues center around one person.

If you think "Wow, she really doesn't look into that," you are right.  This is from The Enemy Within, where Kirk gets split into two halves, and one of them tries to rape Yeoman Janice Rand.  There are actually a few times in TOS that something like this happens, but it's the only time that it's not something an enemy does to one of the crew.  This time, the assailant is Kirk (admitably, not Kirk-Kirk, but as far as Janice knows, this is the boss, her Captain).  "I didn't want to get you in trouble, but you were hurting me, you scared me." --She says afterward, while crying.  The 'good' Kirk is there, understandably baffled and insisting it wasn't him, and everyone else is questioning Yeoman Rand, trying to understand which one of them is lying.  It's... well, a little too real, and not the way I want to imagine the future dealing with these kinds of things.

But then, Technician Fisher steps in, and restores all of my faith in humanity.  He is an extremely minor character-- in fact, this is the only time we ever see him in the series.  He's just a geological technician who happened to be walking by Yeoman Rand's quarters when she needed help.  He helps her then, as I think most people would, but later he goes the extra mile.  When there is doubt that Yeoman Rand is telling the truth, he goes to bat for her.  "Do you know what you're saying?  This is the Captain!"  "I know what I'm saying.  And I know what I saw."

There he is, Geological Technician Fisher:  My current hero.

Janice Rand is the most sexualized woman on the show-- or at least, the most sexualized reoccurring character.  This is in spite of the fact that we never seem to see her romantically involved with anyone, in fact her main role seems to be having other people inflict their sexual desires on her.  Being Janice Rand seems to be a really scary thing.

I think this is why, despite being a reoccurring character who has as much or more screen time as any other woman on the show, we don't really care about Yeoman Rand.  She's just a sexy lamp, right?  Well, no, she has personality traits-- we know, for example, that she likes to paint.  We know she's a diligent crew member.  (Kirk initially didn't want a female Yeoman, but when he saw how efficient and professional Rand was, he changed his mind.)  So, why don't we like her?  Why don't we remember her?

I have searched several archives now, and have yet to find any works from her perspective that are longer than 1 chapter.  Yet Uhura, or Chapel, we are very ready to imbue with agency.  I think it's right up there with hating pink because it's a 'girl color'.  She is our disgust with the ideal of passive femininity.  We don't like Janice because we don't like the things she shows us about being a woman.

And I don't like what it says about us.  So today, I'm not going to give you something to read, I'm going to give you a promise.  I will include Janice Rand.  I will believe in her.  Whenever I write something in the Star Trek universe, I'm going to remember her.   (And Technician Fisher.)

The Origin Story

I think it's time to talk about where slash fiction came from, as a genre.  You may think that gay porn on the internet always was and always shall be, but everything came from somewhere.

To boldly go, my friends.  To boldly go.

In fact the whole terminology of the genre came from Kirk and Spock (Kirk/Spock to imply a romantic pairing, as opposed to Kirk & Spock).  I would argue that in the case of Kirk/Spock, there is such a preponderance of evidence that this is not a theoretical pairing, but one intended by the writers.  And by 'would' argue, I mean I will definitely argue with you about this.  At length.  With references.


I believe in Kirk/Spock like some people believe in God.

Like small children believe in Santa.

So epic is their love, and is my love for their story, I'm about to recommend an INSANELY long story to you. This is more than a novel.  It would be two reasonably sized novels.  This story is an investment, a commitment.

But it is worth it, all the way.  I have read this story, in its entirety, at least 3 times-- that is how much I loved it.  It is a story that I can say legitimately changed me, with moments of such strength that they still cross my mind.

The first time they kiss.  That shining moment on the bridge, in the impossible 3rd space of the City on the Edge of Forever.  They became real to me, like something that I lived.  A beautiful place that I went to, and can never see again outside of my mind.

I can't recommend this story to you enough.  If you have the time to believe, the link is below:

Observations

Sex and Wish Fulfilment

So, you remember before when I left you hanging with the question, why do we think that people writing fanfiction are kind of pathetic?  Well, we're going to talk about it a little bit now.

In the traditional romance novel, the heroine was supposed to be kind of like Bella Swan in Twilight-- a sort of blank slate that would be easy for anyone to slot themselves into.  Their characteristics are deliberately vague for this reason.  More modern romance novels go for more of a superwoman, so that the fantasy is not only getting the 'hero', but also being the heroine.  Both of these methods have a hamartia-- as a woman reading this, you're left with the idea that your dreamy hero would never go for a loser like you, because you're not (insert thing you're insecure about here) enough.

Fanfiction generally takes the route of yaoi-- which if you're not familiar, is a genre of manga and anime that focuses on m/m pairings.  These manga are written for a very targeted audience-- women.  NOW the fantasy removes women from the equation entirely, which can remove the whole self esteem issue completely.  "It's not that I'm not good enough, no woman could be, as they are gay."  It also gives you the option of two dreamy heros.

Darcy, as our wish fulfilment vehicle, is a nice combination of both types of heroine.  We don't have enough information about her from the Thor movies to prevent us from imagining a lot of her characteristics.  But she's not a totally flat character either, and has enough sass to make her dialogue interesting.  And in any fantasy, we need a hero.

And really, if you're like me, there's only one choice.

If you didn't just sigh girlishly, I don't know if we can be friends anymore.

Now, my heart does belong to Tony/Steve, but if we have to do the hetero thing I can get down with some Darcy/Steve.  This is like the dark chocolate truffle of wish fulfilment.  Who doesn't want to imagine they're Kat Dennings as Darcy, getting it on with Chris Evens as Steve?  De-li-ci-ous.

Only, well, here we are, smack dab in what makes fanfiction 'icky'.  It is about fantasy fulfilment, which usually means sex.  Like, a lot of sex.  A lot of kinky sex.  (For some reason this hits me more when I hear it read.  Maybe it's the realization that, not only did someone write this story, but someone also took the time to record it, with cheesy sound effects like an old school radio show.  I tend to giggle like a Japanese school girl.  It's a problem.)  When women read or write about sex, it makes us uncomfortable.  Why is that?  Is it because women aren't supposed to enjoy sex?  Or do we assume that these women are writing these stories because they aren't able to have this sort of sex, so it feels like we should be embarrassed for them, exposing their desire so openly?  Or, are we embarrassed because we're having a sexual experience with these women by enjoying their work?  Some things to think about.

If you're in the mood for a little wish fulfilment of the dark chocolate truffle variety, enjoy the link below.  *The suggestion below, while containing plot, does have a lot of sex, so if this is not your bag, be aware*

Direction Series (as a podfic) and Direction (text)